oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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