Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
