When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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