I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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