I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
