in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
