Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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