We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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