Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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