This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
