His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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