Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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