I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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