Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
