Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
