how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
