On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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