Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
