You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize