He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
