I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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