I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
