Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
