I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I think I sprained my soul last night
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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