totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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