just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
