using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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