On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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