Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
