it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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