It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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