So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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