***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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