You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
