The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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