I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
