I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize