Got a toothbrush?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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