i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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