Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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