The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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