Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
