i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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