you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
