Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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