I think my vagina is haunted
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
