You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
