bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
