hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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