So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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