i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
