She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize