if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i will never coherently bang her
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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