Whod you bang
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
