At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
