I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
