you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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