I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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