his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
