i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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