based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
