Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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