Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
