im gay
i know
yea but for you.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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