So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I look better un-naked...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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