I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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