It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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