Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
