are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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