the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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