That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
