I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You can't just leave with hair like that
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
