I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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