The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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