AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
