i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Shame - the story of my life.
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