The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
