If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
