That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my vag is so smooth its legendary
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
