I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
