Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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