Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
